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tomorrow will be no better
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| 11.14.03 (7:15 am) [edit] |
oh god i'm bored. there's never anything to do on a friday night.
i'm just staring at the screen, waiting for it to refresh itself over and over and over. believe me: that is fucking boring.
meh. i so want someone to talk to now. even a mindless go-nowhere conversation with a random stranger is better than this. i just can't be assed going to any chat rooms.
maybe i should sleep... with my sugar high.
heh. my day of ups and downs. does it get any better?
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| 11.14.03 (6:53 am) [edit] |
meh. i'm soooo horny. i'm in need of a grand pumping by a dick, but i don't know anyone.
this sucks.
i'll get over it, though. go weed, go today :)
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| 11.14.03 (5:04 am) [edit] |
i'm so fucking bored right now. it's friday night, so everyone but me is out, i'm stoned as fuck (which is good), and kinda lonely.
even porn is borin, but there's nothing else to do. i've drunken so much pepsi i can't sleep. seems masturbation is the key.
nothing like masturbation to end the day.
even still... always better to have a little help. only there isn't.
bleh. i still think i'm bipolar. these moods swing from each extreme within hours. the last couple of entries feel like ages ago.
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| 11.14.03 (3:18 am) [edit] |
what did i tell you?
oh, right. very well, on your business.
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| 11.14.03 (3:15 am) [edit] |
heh. i'm so stoned.
and, by the way, i'm having a fucking ace time. the light is off, the internet is on, the fish-bubble-thing is buzzing, music plays, my cat is asleep on my bed behind me, i'm drinking frozen pepsi max and i'm also stoned.
life is fucking sweet.
i actually had a pretty good day with my family, too. we sat on the verandah drinking wineand joked about shit. i was high and they were drunk. i laughed a lot because i never really saw that side of them. and they were like me: mean. we think ourselves to be intelligent, witty creatures, but all we are is just plain mean. i laughed cause i have the same sense of humour.
i feel nice. i want it to last forever, but i know it won't.
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| 11.11.03 (4:55 pm) [edit] |
why the fuck can't i just say no?
i have so much shit to do, he knows that, and yet he still comes. yes, it's my fault for procrastinating, but still. why the fuck can't he leave me alone for a fortnight? two weeks is all need to get all my assignments done and hopefully pass the course, and yet he wants to spend that time leeching off me.
i don't want to lose him, but i can't deal with the clingy nature of his.
when it comes down to the essence, i'd choose study over him. and i think he knows that.
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| 11.11.03 (6:02 am) [edit] |
i just deleted my former online journal at diary-x.com because a friend kept on reading the fucker. it didn't matter that i'd asked him repeatedly not to read it, all that mattered was for him to self-declare that he wanted to ban himself from ever seeing it again.
shitty, i deleted it immediately without thinking of the consequences and put the bugger on ignore. this is the aspect of friendship i hate. i'd prefer to revert back to my lonerism than have my trust broken like that.
yes, it's a pathetic thing to hold against him, but i'm so angry right now that i don't care. i really liked that diary. and now i've just lost a good year of my recorded life because the thought of him going through my personal thoughts scares me entirely.
also, i wrote some pretty mean shit about him in there, too. kinda like now.
i don't know how this'll go. change sucks, and i hate being the newbie. and, even though my slate is wiped clean, i'll still talk the same shit i always winge about: self-loathing, suicide, food, depression, anxiety and other bullshit no one wants to read.
welcome to tblog.com.
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